Like I Said, Random...

Does using the hair drying while sitting on the toilet fall into the “not safe” or “that’s just ridiculous” category?

Overlooking the Obvious?

Sometimes I wonder if I would know a decent guy if he bit me on the nose.  Well, decent guys probably don’t go around biting people on the nose, but you get my point.  I suppose there is something inside of me that just feels more comfortable with chaos and rejection.

Really? Wow.

My day is often sprinkled with disclaimers such as “I’m fun to watch,” “I’m going to go dye my hair blonder,” “Just go with it,” “Don’t judge me!” or “Just smile and nod your head.”  This is my way of acknowledging that what I just said or did was silly or dumb or clumsy. 

I get it, okay?  I can be a total ding-dong.  Fortunately, I have long since given up feeling bad about myself over this and have learned to embrace this quality (even to find it endearing).  It’s how I deal.

Not everyone agrees.  One of my students (who is thankfully months out of my class and graduated by now) used to have a favorite saying after one of my endearing displays.  It was, “Wwwwwwwwoooooooooooowwwwwwwwww.”  Sometimes, she would preface it with “Reeeeeeally?” and look around the room to gain her fellow classmates support.   As a result, I hate “Wwwwwwwwoooooooooooowwwwwwwwww” and it has been banned from my classroom.

So... wow.

Uni-Boob, Rock On!

I’m looking forward to a crazy, rocking concert with Teen tonight. I learned from the last concert that it is advisable to wear a sports bra to events like this. (I like to jump a lot. A surprising lot, given my age, I suppose.)

Oh, and “tennie-shoes.” Boots are a no-no. They leave you with blisters on your pinkie toes. Not fun when you have to trek the 1.5 miles back to your car after the concert.

So, athletic gear, cash for bottles of water and an anticipated 5 hours of jumping. This will definitely count as a work out.

Show Me The Money... Please?!

If I take 4 classes a semester, I am considered a full time student.

If I teach 6 classes in perpetuity, I am considered a part time employee.

I was never good at math, but this just doesn’t add up.

Perfect Lives and Delusions

I just found out that someone I thought had a perfect life has had anything but. She had always impressed me as some got-it-all-together snobby chick, but come to find out, it was all a cover-up. A massive façade to hide immense turmoil. A life filled with attempts to disguise an unbelievable mess.

I can relate.

No Matter How Deep Your Pit Is, it’s Only 12 Steps Out

The night I started my 12 step class (which is different from
share groups). I was kind of irritated that the class was so big and that the leaders had never called me after I had registered two weeks prior. I wasn’t sure if I would like anyone. I couldn’t participate my first night because I hadn’t done the workbook assignment that week- because I didn’t have the homework because no one had called me.

But I stayed anyway. I stayed when I wanted to walk out. I stayed and an interesting thing happened. I listened to my story being told by strangers. Different details, same story.

They not only knew, they understood; they could relate. Heads nodded in agreement; knowing smiles were shared. With each person’s share of the day, more bonding was formed. More connections made.

Another “Aha!” moment: It’s funny (funny weird, not funny ha ha) that the one thing we fear the most (being found out) is actually a path to healing.

If At First You Don't Succeed

I read an amazing devotional about a path filled with multiple failures that precede corresponding growth spurts.

I so get that.

Leave a Message at the Beep

I’m sorry I cannot take your call right now. I am too busy making lemonade.



Photo credit: Cindy Coutts http://www.cindycoutts.com

Still Small Voice

So, I’ve been bringing this anger thing to God every day. Like every minute of the day, actually. And today I felt like He spoke to my heart (because what I “heard” was smarter than anything I probably would have come up with on my own).

He said, “Your anger is really lack of faith.”

What?!

What do You mean, lack of faith, Lord? I have faith- faith in You. I just also have anger. Large quantities of it over injustices, unfairness, cruelty, broken dreams…

“If you had greater faith, you would know that I provide. You would know that I heal.”

Oh…. I love a supernatural reality check from time to time!

Ever Have One of Those Days?

It’s tax time! Due to my newfound income bracket, I am positive I will be receiving a refund this year, so I’m on it. I put the tax company’s address into my GPS and headed south.

It took me one hour to drive 5.6 miles. This is partly due to my demon possessed Tom-Tom and partly due to the never-ending unorganized crazy mess that Tulsa likes to call “road work.” When I finally arrived at my destination, it was a brick sound wall for a subdivision. Great.

After driving to the next tax office, a franchise, I arrived to find locked doors. What accountant takes a break at 1 in the afternoon during tax season? I called the number posted in neon orange on their window only to get a disconnected message. Nice.

In frustration at my wasted time and gas money, I decide to head on back to work- but not before stopping at the H & R Block I spotted along the way. I don’t like H & R Block. I’m not really sure why, but I just never have. Repressed memories? I don’t know. Anyway, the poker faced receptionist gave me some paperwork without a word. No, “fill these out.” No “read these.” Nothing. Maybe she is mute. She could have held up a sign or something. Geez.

I took the papers and left. So, I still don’t have my tax stuff done. Maybe tomorrow.

Good Timing

In all of my anger over being wronged, I stumbled upon a quote by John Piper: “The key to being merciful: Be more amazed that you're forgiven than that you're wronged. Not just convinced, but amazed.”

Taking a Stand

I can’t tell you how many times, while sitting at the desk, doing the dishes, folding laundry, whatever, I have had to stop what I am doing and hit the floor. On my face, giving my consuming anger to the One who saved me.

I realize that my anger is grounded in hurt. Wrong. Rejection. Betrayal. But it’s still anger and anger is a dangerous thing. Yes, I have suffered an injustice, but if I let my anger sit, if I stew in it, it will grow. It will turn into bitterness. Hate.

I refuse to let that happen.

True Colors

What color is grumpy? I don't know, so I'm wearing pink.

“I didn’t sign up for this.”

Really? Who died and made you exempt from hard times in life? What makes you so darn special that you get a free pass?

What happened to integrity? Responsibility? Commitment? Sticking it out? Coming together, stronger, because two is better than one…

Who ever said that life was about your comfort, your convenience, your way or the highway?

Grow up.

BTW

My wonderful friend J offers to babysit the little one for me so I can take my older one out for some teenage fun. Excited about this opportunity to have some quality mother-daughter time, I tell my teen, who looks up at the ceiling and says nothing.

I happen to speak fluent Teen, so I know this means, “OMG ru 4 real? IYD!” (That’s “Oh my gosh, are you for real? In your dreams!” for those of you who have managed to avoid anyone under the age of 24 in recent years.)

Can you feel the love?

Lysol Therapy

There is something therapeutic in cleaning my entire house with Lysol (not the smelly disinfectant spray that’s in the nurse’s office in elementary schools, but the spectacular 4 in 1 cleaner that I am officially addicted to).

The lemon breeze smell. The disinfectant properties. The clean-ness of it all. It’s like starting over. (See? Therapeutic.)

So, while the baby sat happily in one of God’s greatest inventions ever, the baby swing, I spent some quality time on my hands and knees (and tippie toes) wiping, scrubbing and scouring.

I know it will get dirty again, but it’s clean now.

Equal But Opposite

Lesson One in my support group was on Denial. Go figure.

The Aha! Moment I got from it is this: My real self, the true me that God created me to be, hasn’t been having relationships. My unhealthy self has been. This means I find “equal but opposite” people to match my dysfunction and help me carry on my pattern.

So, you mean I’m not as perfect as I think I am?!?!

This is going to take some time to process…

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

My first day back at the gym was weird. I was scared that I had lost too much strength or endurance (I did- boo!), or that I wouldn’t remember how to work the machines (I did- yay!).

But the cool thing is that all of the familiar faces greeted me with enthusiasm, high fives and fist bumps.

I saw some of the same old same old, and I saw some major transformations. D and L are expecting triplet grandbabies in July and are apparently in serious training to tackle the adventure. (It shows, ya’ll!)

K is down at least 30 lbs and the muscles on her arms pop. I honestly didn’t recognize her at first. Her secret? She added running to her routine. Running. Dang! I hate running, but I’m convinced. I might have to give it a go.

The happy, goal-oriented people. The smell of sweat. The clinking of the metal. The hum of the cardio machines. The shouting of the aerobics instructor leading her class upstairs. Feels like home to me!

Goofy Google Requirement...

I'm usually pretty compliant with rules and stuff, so here is the link to the privacy policy:

http://www.ntblifestyle.com/google_just_smile_and_nod_your_head_privacy_policy.htm

(It's on my in-progress "I'm going back to my true love" web site.)

I Hear the Hallelujah Chorus

We are finally done playing musical sicknesses, baby is old enough to go to the gym’s day care and the stand-up tanning booth is my new prayer closet! Life is good.

Git ‘Er Done

It’s amazing what can be accomplished when all of your mental and emotional efforts are not spent on fixing an unfixable relationship.

(My hat is off to Larry the Cable Guy for the fun phrase.)